Sadness

It has been way too long since I have put anything on this blog, and with the things that have gone on in my life during the course of July I felt it was time to write. It is gong to be hard for me to put into words just exactly how I am feeling, but I am willing to give it a shot.

On July 8th, my wife and I lost the child that we were expecting. We were experiencing complications with the pregnancy and my wife had been on bed rest for about 3 weeks prior to everything taking place. We had numerous visits to the ER from the complications and were beginning to get on a first name basis with the hospital staff (okay it wasn't that bad, but we were there a lot!). Michell (my wife), and I had started contemplating names for our son hoping that we would come to agreement on a name for the new addition to our family. We had finally narrowed the plethora of names down to just a handful, but still had not decided on a name.

About 1 AM July 7th Michelle woke me up and told me we needed to head to the hospital. I had barely fallen asleep and was up in a flash, rushing to put clothes on so we could get there fast. We called my mother-in-law so someone could come and be here if our 2 year old son so happened to wake up. My in laws made it here faster than we thought they would, and Michelle's mother decided to go with us. We left my father-in-law to take care of Creighton, and we bolted to the hospital.

We got to the hospital about 1:30 and had a room about 1:45. Blood work, IV, ultrasound, and monitoring Michelle's vitals went on during this time. It was hard for me to see my wife lying in that hospital bed; I knew she was scared and frankly, so was I. We couldn't sleep so we watched the news over and over, and over again. I think we saw the same news stories so many times that we could have quoted them on command. There just isn't anything on that early in the morning unless you need to impulse buy some kitchen devices that you didn't know that you needed.

I couldn't tell you the exact time that Michelle's doctor came in, but at some point she did. She told us that there had been a decrease in fluid around the baby and that it is very possible that the fluid could replenish itself. She also told us the possibilities and possible scenarios that could happen. She looked me in the eye and told me that my wife will walk out of here. It was very reassuring! We knew that if she had to she would take our baby to make sure that Michelle would get to stay with us. Talk about a lump in my throat! I asked about work and she said that she did not feel as if anything was going to happen, and that it was the wise thing for me to do by going to work. I stayed by Michelle's side until around lunch time when someone came to the hospital to relieve me. I was supposed to go home and sleep, but sleep wasn't even going to happen. How could I sleep? My wife was in the hospital and I wasn't with her. I felt guilty, so I mowed the yard instead of sleeping. I came in from mowing, showered, and gathered up some items for Michele then headed back to the hospital.

The Sock Puppet Dream

Well it has been some time since I have had to explain the reasoning behind the  "my life as a sock phrase" so I will do so again.  Just understand upfront that I never have done drugs, partaken in the spirits, or had massive head trauma.  However, I did have a visit from a sock puppet while in high school.   A vision if you want to call it, or maybe it was just a dream.  

I am trying to live the life of a right sock.  Because only the left ones are the ones that stay behind that's why they are called the "left" sock.  

Okay here is the dream.  So I just have this foggy vision fading in and I remember squinting to make it out.  Once I got to where I could focus in, it was the image of a sock, a sock puppet.  Yeah crazy I know!  This sock began to tell me of the horror that sock land was facing.  Adidas socks were being forced into nike shoes, and so on and so forth.  They went to the whirlpool to take a dip and then were thrown into the dryer for a quick tumble.  When the tumble stopped and the door opened to allow the light to come in, they found that some of the mates had disappeared.  Raptured!  I remember thinking socks don't get raptured.  It was if the sock could read my mind.  Maybe it could I mean it was a dream so it was in my head already.  The sock told me that the only the right socks were taken in the rapture.  I had a hard time trying to fathom how you tell a right sock from the left sock.  The sock laid it out for me.  You can tell which foot the sock has been on by the sole.  Correlating this to soul.

I thought this was strange too, but I have started making it a point to live  a right sock kind of life.  I have been using this mantra for years.  In various youth positions in numerous churches.  Every time I present this dream accompanied by appropriate scripture I present a challenge to the youth.  I give them a sock and ask them to decide for themselves which kind of sock they will make it.  Many of them at that point take off their right shoe and put the sock on.  I tend to only where a right sock and close the lesson by saying "Today make a choice of whom you will serve.  As for me I have chosen to live a right sock kind of life!"  Thus pulling up my right pant leg and exposing the lone sock.

I know it's a little far out there, but that's the way I roll.  I am outside the box!  There is no room inside the box for me, nor do I choose to conform to the ways of the box.